Several hours until your 28th bday and I wish I could forget about it then remember it on the next day. But shamelessly, I remember that even since the beginning of February.
Well I guess I won’t have any gut to wish you a happy birthday. Despite of my incapability to hold my feelings and I can’t even reach you since you started to change your number. I lost you, completely.
I feel so miserable to still feel this kind of thing even after 2 years since we decided to walk out of each other life.
I keep wondering why?
I haven’t mastery on that kind of move on thing..
I tried, you knew that
I wish I could go back to the old good times, when we laughed. Hold each other.
When I always pissed you off on your birthday, and so did you.
I guess you are happy now.
With someone new, that you love so much.
You know the hardest thing to do? To believe that I already being forgotten. That you hate me and I keep wondering why, when all I do is just worrying about you, missing you, loving you.
I wish we were meet when we are 27. We’re gonna be wiser, we have time, our own money.
I wish I could make you happier than I did.
I wish I could understand you more than I ever did
I wish I could love you more than I did.
And most of all.. I wish we never decided to break up at the first place.
If only I could have waited any longer ..
You know F, I might seem so misarable.. but after all this time, I just found out that I’m always here. Going nowhere. I stuck in a denial. I thought I can, when I’m completely in a mess.
But from now on, I won’t deny it anymore. The feelings that still remain.
Waiting for you, to come back home...
Oh and btw, I knew you won’t ever read it, but happy birthday..
Love,
Zara
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